our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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