HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
