I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
