Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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