this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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