i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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