Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
