At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
