i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
