Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
