I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
