i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
