im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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