Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
please come you make the beer taste better
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
