I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
