You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
