Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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