Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize