i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
