Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
