508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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