my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
