I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
