How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
