sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
