the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
