I didn't shave. On purpose
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
