just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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