I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
