im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
