I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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