could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
