You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
