im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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