My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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