Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
