I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
