You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
