Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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