I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
