Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
