Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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