There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
