I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize