oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
