I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
