so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
