$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize