It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
