Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize