Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
if only i could text you this smell
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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