My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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