I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
