Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
one might say we're banned from that church
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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