If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
