I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
