remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
