Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
