I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
