...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
