So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
