her vagine was all disorganized.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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