we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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