I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
