I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize