My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize