i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
