she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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