Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
