you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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