is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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