How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
