Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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