i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
