This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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