Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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