did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
