im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
