I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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