your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Can i not drive my cunt home
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Randomize
