im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
