wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
