It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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