I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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