I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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