I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
did i just pee glitter
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
