Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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