sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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