quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
