New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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