I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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