I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize