you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
