last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
