Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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