sarcasm needs its own font
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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