The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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