What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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