I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
