come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
