i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize