lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
