She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i think my cat just said my name.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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