Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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