My hand turned me down
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
