When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
