They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
