I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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