You just made me feel so damn special
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
