life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
smell my finger.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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