"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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