I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
